TIDBITS

V3N12

EXCLUSIVES:

A MILLION LITTLE GROSS JARS

IDLE HANDS

I'M BUSTED

SEVEN INCHES, HARDCORE

FEATURES:

HERE COME THE REGULARS

IT'S A RACIST, RACIST WORLD

REGULARS:

DOs & DON'Ts

ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE

FASHION

GAMES

VICE MAIL

BACK ISSUES

DOS AND DON'TS BOOK
“Recently I was dodging the curry touts in Brick Lane when I came across this Islamic version of the Vice DOs & DON’Ts book (see www.viceland.com for more).

Now, some people criticise Vice for being over-the-top and printing controversial opinions about sex, race and religion, but Allah’s version of the DDs takes lunacy to a whole different level. In here, there’s rules about women not being able to wear “sound-making ornaments” or pluck eyelashes or men not being able to piss standing up. If you do any of these things then you’re classified as an infidel and if people blow you up on the way to work they will go to paradise where they get to have sex with untold number of virgins.”
ANITA CRAPPER

BUBBLE BAT
This bat has gum balls in it, but it’s also really handy for carrying drugs on a plane. That’s one great thing about 9/11, BTW. They’re so worried about carpet cutters and lighters, they no longer give a shit what drugs you might be hiding.

TWO-BALL IRON MACE
“I bought this online for $125. After I got it me and my buddy Dan went and bought some cantaloupes to practice on. I accidentally nailed Dan at one point and he had a huge welt on his arm. If the tips weren’t dulled it would have done way more damage.”
BILL COX

SKULL ASHTRAYS
“Smoking was cool in the 1950s, then everyone realized it kills more than all other drugs combined so it was banned, but now it’s for people that don’t care if they’re dying. The whole world is a smoke-free zone because apparently secondhand smoke is killing everyone. It is? As Taki Theodoracopulos pointed out, if secondhand smoke in bars is so dangerous, where are all the angry mothers of dead bartenders? The truth is there’s no evidence that secondhand smoke is dangerous.

“So now everybody has to go outside to smoke so they can wake up all the local residents and get the bar’s owner deeper in debt with ridiculous fines. Look, I don’t smoke, but if people want to die, let them die and mind your own business about it. That’s what’s so great about skull ashtrays. They’re for people that are proud to be dying. That’s why I collect them.”

KARA RIDGES

SKULL LIGHTER
“Following the ashtray tip, I get the feeling this lighter is supposed to trip me out about smoking, which, as I said, I don’t. So whenever I’m using it to smoke pot I tell it, ‘Relax, guy, it’s a joint’ and he mellows out a bit.”
KARA RIDGES

DOLLAR RING
Making origami rings out of dollar bills is really easy to do (google “one dollar bill rings”) and it shows the other chicks in your class that you have cash.

BIG DALLY
Unlike this cheap piece of shit that is actually worth more like $1.80 but all it says is that you are constantly late and can’t speak English.

CONTINUED:

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Comments:

Subject: Dum duh dum dum
Date: Jan 19 2006 08:31:03 PM
Author: snikt

Sweet, Kara Ridges is one of theose idoits that thinks pot smoke is healthy for you. I don't smoke either Kara -wink-!

Subject: that fucking skull lighter.
Date: Jan 13 2006 01:26:57 PM
Author: i have that skull.

that skull lighter is a fish tank decoration with a lighter mounted in/on it. not that that changes anything. just an observation.

here's another observation. the comment section seems like an excuse for vice readers to use the word "fag" in an anonymous public forum.

Subject: Two-Ball Iron Mace
Date: Jan 11 2006 08:07:19 PM
Author: Patric Fallon

I spent this New Years in a rural town with a population under 1,000. The night was spent listening to thrash music at a Waco, TX inspired volume, drinking a handle of whiskey called "Jack Johnson" (i think), and avoiding the kids weilding weapons ranging from samurai swords, large knives, a (hopefully unloaded) revolver, and that wonderful Two-Ball Iron Mace. I decided if I was ever found in a situation like that again I would end my life.

Subject: WTF?
Date: Dec 27 2005 07:27:05 PM
Author: Stevedave

So googling "one dollar bill rings" brings up this aritcle, and this article only. Nice one, you cunts.

Subject: Mace
Date: Dec 22 2005 02:47:35 PM
Author: lancelot

I have one of the Mace things. My sister bought it for me in Europe. They are pretty good, I got drunk and beat my roommate with it once. Left some dents to be sure. But the ring that holds the chains to the handle is weak. It broke. So not battle functional. But it will make girls leave your room faster in the morning.

Subject: barrrf
Date: Dec 19 2005 06:09:36 PM
Author: dobie

Penn & Teller are not scientists, they are comedians}} and basically left wing Bill O'Reilys; packaging and selling outrage to whichever demographic watches that timeslot, the one that you are a part of.{{

Subject: second hand smoke
Date: Dec 19 2005 04:40:33 PM
Author: Tracy Vanity

Didn't you see that episode of "Bullshit" that talks about how second hand smoke is...bullshit?

Subject: waaaah
Date: Dec 19 2005 04:08:20 PM
Author: dobie

I know you are but what am I?

Subject: waaaa.
Date: Dec 18 2005 11:33:11 PM
Author: you are stupid, dobie.

shut up stupid.

Subject: second hand smoke
Date: Dec 18 2005 03:13:26 PM
Author: dobie

Uh guys, i wouldn't say that there is no evidence that second hand smoke is dangerous. You can't just say something and call it 'the truth'. Or are you just trying to sound like your seven year old bestfriend that knows where babies come from?

Seriously, I want to know.