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PRE-9/11 MAKER’S MARK POSTER
We won this at our local playing bingo. Didn’t seem like a big deal back in July of 2001, but we’re sure digging it now! PS: It says, “To my loyal fans at Max Fish—Ulli—Here’s to being the first in the neighborhood. And the best. Bill Samuels, President, Maker’s [smiley face].”
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EXPLODING BIN LADEN NOGGIN
The WTC attack cost $12,000 and we’ve spent about $400 billion trying to fight back, but few economists are willing to concede what a boon anti-Bin Laden products have been to our economy. All these firecrackers and hot sauces probably boost our GNP by at least $400,000,012,001.
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WTC BUBBLE BLOWER
You blow in Tower 2 and bubbles shoot out of Tower 1, which is so harsh it makes me want to cry. |
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WTC SKATEBOARD
How epic would it be to do a quarter kickflip to late backfoot frontside varial quarter heelflip right onto Bin Laden’s face?
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TARIQ THE DESERT WARRIOR
“As a toy designer that focuses on action figures, I am always looking for inspiration. I don’t know why this thing captivates me so much, but it’s the only thing on my desk these days. I bought it from some Puerto Ricans at a flea market in New York when I was incredibly high. They refused to admit they lost the boots and insisted that’s how he’s supposed to look. I let myself believe them, as one does when one is stoned, and saw the Stormtrooper as some kind of Middle Eastern superhero that zips along the desert in his bare feet, fighting for Allah. After a while he conveys that elusive effeminate threat the Afghani rebels had (you know, the ones that would wear all that mascara). Once you get into that mind frame he becomes so foreign he’s way more evil than anything out of Star Wars.”
JEREMY COLLINS |
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QUADHAFI PIN
In 1986 Reagan bombed Colonel Muammar al-Quadhafi's home until the guy’s daughter died of bombings. Reagan said it was about the bombing of a Berlin disco, but his critics insisted that was a cover-up and it was really about oil. Zero percent of Reagan’s critics had ever seen him dance.
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OSAMA GOUACHE PAINT
The side of this Chinese paint box boasted “one million laughs.” Fuck, those rice balls love to kick us when we’re down. If they’re not buying our currency or stealing our manufacturing jobs, they’re laughing their heads off at the lowest point in our history. Shye-shye, China.
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OSAMA HOT SAUCE
This is kind of a weird hot sauce to enjoy because you’re supposed to hate it. So when you’re eating it you’re like, “This sucks and it’s hurting my mouth, but I’m going to keep eating it because I hate Bin Laden,” which is kind of exactly what he wants—just like invading Iraq!
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