|
|
 |
|
|
CRYSTAL METH LUBE
Larry Kramer of Act Up! wrote a thing for us in the Drugs Issue about how AIDS is still a serious problem and it’s not even close to under control. It was a great article, but we were a little disappointed to see him avoid the matter: The gay lifestyle. It hurts to admit it, but the biggest problem with AIDS and the gay community is…. wait for it… gays are completely out of control! Three-day orgies with coffee blenders full of coke, Viagra and meth are not exactly a safe-sex paradise. Or what about this beauty, a vial of homemade lube with a huge dose of crystal meth mixed in it? “You have to really shake it to get the crystals to liquefy,” says its owner, who contracted HIV at a recent circuit party in New York while on meth, “but once you get it going it feels fucking amazing.”
Maybe if the gay community took a day off from scoffing at the Christian right and replaced their drug orgy cocktails with chill pills they might have a hope in hell of getting the disease under control. But you’re not allowed to say that. You have to pretend calling AIDS a gay thing is “sexual profiling,” and the odds are just as high that Chloe Sevigny will get it at an East Village skater party. Well, the good news is this politically correct commie bullshit makes everyone feel equal. The bad news is it’s literally killing the people it purports to help.
|
 |
LOST WOODEN COCK
We found this floating down the East River on the Brooklyn side. Now, you know you want to pretend it was being used by some incrediby hot nymphomaniac to practice her blow jobs or something, but the truth most likely involves a very dirty homosexual man and some gang-bang shit that you could get venereal warts just thinking about. |
|
 |
|
|
FAGOLOSI
“One time I pulled my pants down to fart on an old buddy who happened to be eating raw pasta and he poked it at my ass to defend himself. Instead of pricking my cheek, it went right in the anus hole and pierced my inner rectum. I freaked out and ran to the bathroom and tamped my ass and there was a red kiss mark left on the paper like when a woman is checking her lipstick. I never did anything about it. I guess it healed itself.”
BLAKE JACOBS |
|
|
|
DEVIL’S CHESTNUT
Some anus brought these in from China back in the 1870s and they have completely taken over the northeastern seaboard. This here is one of the seed casings and if you step on it wrong it can go right through your shoe.
|
 |
PACMAN PHONES
Whatever happened to cool phones, eh? All these Razors and BlackBerries totally took the fun out of phone calls.
(Click to enlarge) |
|
|
|
|
BULLET KEY CHAIN COKE SPOON
Contrary to popular belief, this is the perfect size for a bump key. Just enough to keep you from fading when that 1:30 AM booze snooze comes a calling, but not enough to turn your hangover into a crippling day of anal terror.
|
|
|
|
