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SMACK ICE CREAM SANDWICH
This is bullshit. Everyone knows normal ice cream makes you puke when you’re on heroin. You need something more refreshing like an Italian ice—or what about an antiheroin ice cream bar?
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PISS AND SHIT TOYS
According to Freud, every kid goes through at least one incident where they play with their shit and rub it all over the bathroom walls and stuff. If you punish them for this they will grow up to become “anal retentive” (hence the name). If you just laugh your head off they will grow up to become “funny.” Apparently the Swedes are on to this and have decided to cut to the chase and buy their kids piss and shit dolls. |
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ANTIDRUG POT TREATS
If you hate heroin as much as you love ice cream, you may want to chow down on this pot-flavored anti-hard-drug Russian treat that just took the prize for the most what-the-fuck? snack of all time.
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DEADBEAT DAD WIGS
“I grew up in a working-class neighborhood and I was one of the few kids there whose parents were still together. I remember my friend Dale bawling his eyes out because his dad had canceled yet another fishing trip and saying to him, ‘What the fuck are you so bummed about? I’d be dancing in the streets if I didn’t have to hang out with my dad.’ One time Dale’s dad bought him an oil painting of Dale’s dad for Christmas. He looked like this.”
CAMERON CUSHING |
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