Looks like Mr. Miyagi forgot to teach Ralph the part where you’re supposed to take it easy with the shots, especially after a few bumps of that shitty Brooklyn stuff that smells like nail polish.
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There were decent Southern Baptist families eating hot dogs just ten feet away from where she was spraying piss all over their religion. If she tried this with al-Qaeda they’d pack a rat with a suicide bomb and ram it down her throat on a shish kebab. Comments/Enlarge | See all









Dear Pro Lifers,
Are you really so positive this guy shouldn’t have been an abortion? Really? Okay so it’s good that he’s here and has three kids and so on and so on?
Sincerely,
Us
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-4556

GOD BLESS THE WEST

Dave Eggers & Lucy Thomas Capture an Ethos

No one cares about the Old West. There was a time when people cared, but that was 1988. That is when everyone stopped caring. The Old West was a time before people danced in unison on awards shows, and this is part of the difficulty many of us have with the Old West. Another problem is the dust. Everything was dustier there and then, and this is a subject which enrages many people. ...
-4555

BEATS AND RHYMES

I write reviews, and when suckers bite, I laugh, cuz their shit sounds better now.

One of the most prolific cats in the game, your man MF Doom, has a gang of new projects in the works. Check for a collection of doomstrumentals, Special Herbs Vol. I & II (hightimesrecords.net), and Doom's alias Viktor Vaughan's Vaudeville Villain (sound-ink.com). Both should be widely available by the time you read this....
-4554

OLDER THAN COELACANTHS

Trilobites and Their Endotoxic Reagent

The horseshoe crab is as old as the dinosaurs. Its blood is an essential ingredient in everyday medicine, and yet we know so little about it.

The horseshoe crab, or Limulus Arthro-podus, is a living cousin of the trilobite, a marine arthropod that scuttled across the Paleozoic seabeds some ...
-4553

DEAR DIARY

Entry: September 12, 1995

September 12, 1995
Dear Diary,

I tripped on acid for the first time last night. Really strange. At first I was really confused and PARANOID, it was really bad. The visuals were insane. Colors all melting and stuff. ...
-4552

CHUG CHUG CHUG

Jay Kaplan Documents the Shotgun

As a means of breaking down walls in the video-art medium and getting people wasted on camera, New York artist Jay Kaplan has created The Ultimate Challenge, a series of four shotgunning tasks that begins with the eight-ounce "pony can" of Bud and culminates in the fearsome 24-ounce "tall boy." Alon...
-4551

ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE

Germany's historical contributions to western music have been, at the very least, crucial. From the titillating complexity of Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor" to the futuristic drone of Kraftwerk's "Trans Europe Express," the krauts have changed the way we North Americans hear music. And what h...
-4550

THE MERITS OF WAR

Two Intellectuals and a Drunk Give the Final Word

At Brooklyn's GreenPoint Tavern, the conversations range from Polish rants about the problems "viss de niggers" to giggling college-girl arguments about cherry Chapstick. There is a perfect 50/50 split between pathetic old drunks with huge birth defects (remember that article we did called "What ...
-4549

VICE FASHION - READY TO DIE

Ryan is eighteen and lives in Virginia. He joined the infantry in June of 2002 after some seniors in his high school had done the same. You have to get your parents' approval when you're under eighteen. He did. He was working one weekend a month in the reserves. After a few months his two best frien...
-4548

SADDAM SUCKS

But That's My Problem

Hello, everybody. I am a busty Iraqi girl who escaped to New York with her wealthy parents seven years ago. I thought I'd take a little time out of my incredibly boring school day to tell you about the man you call "the most evil dictator of all time" (you think you know, but you have no idea)....
-4547

GAMES

The Getaway, Vietcong

THE GETAWAY
Publisher: Sony
Developer: Team Soho
Platform: PS2
Genre: Action
Rating: Mature

Right, then. The &Mac222;rst thing you should probably know about this game is that it has nothing to do with the Sam Peckinpah &Mac222;lm of the same name....
-4546

WHO PUT THE H IN COUNTRY?

A Few of Our Favorite Fuck Ups

Sid Vicious was a woman's blouse. You know him as a punk legend who couldn't play bass and used to cut himself on stage and got hooked on junk and stabbed his girlfriend and then OD'd a few months later on some dope his mom bought him. But let's face it: The guy was a submoronic fashion plate who di...
-4545

LITERARY

Sound of the Beast: The Complete Headbanging History of Heavy Metal, The Fourth Sex: Adolescent Extremes, Ignore The Spread: Four Years of Horrid NFL Picks

Sound of the Beast: The Complete Headbanging History of Heavy Metal By Ian Christe (Harper Entertainment)
This is both a fascinating survey and a passionate fan's account. Christe's cultural savvy, deadpan sense of humor, and deft use of interview material make for a sweeping story with...
-4544

BLISSED OUT

Devendra Banhart and Entrance Take the Edge Off

Devendra Banhart looks like a dreamy-eyed sheep, his long sideburns curled around a chin drawn square as he howls tiny-speaker vocals over a death-rattle guitar. Hardly a shaman, not nearly a Lomax-purist, Banhart is more a psychedelic troubadour who projects the vague longing of early Marc Bolan an...
-4543

MY AMERICA

By the time this is finally published and placed in the little bucket that houses magazines and "funny" books next to your toilet, Valentine's Day will be long past. As I write this, however, it hasn't taken place yet, and to be honest, I'm kind of looking forward to it. I do every year. What's the ...
-4542

& STONED

Fursaxa Inhales the Bad and Exhales the Good

When I was TWELVE, there was this golden moment when I realized The Grateful Dead were not another awesome band with mind-blowing extended jams, far-out mascot skeletons and dancing bears. They were, in fact, shit. The universal symbol for lame stoner doods with extra-large T-shirts and a different ...
-4541

NOT FIT TO PRINT

Running a magazine is like running a culture gauge where people from all over the Western world send you things that they think other Westerners will enjoy. Unfortunately, instead of reveling in the great works of our people, we end up petrified of our entire generation, unable to go outside for ...
-4540

WHAT

The Fuck Is Up With the Jazz Bagpipe Scene?

Rufus Harley is maybe the most eccentric jazz player of all time, not least for his chosen instrument, the bagpipes. He played with Coltrane, gave lessons to Muhammad Ali, guested on The Cosby Show, and played the White House, but now he lives in Philadelphia and has utterly lost his mind. What?...
-4539

VICE PICTURES

In 1968, eighteen-year-old Anthony Iamurri was shipped to Vietnam from Seventh St. and Morris Ave. in South Philadelphia. During his tour of duty, which included frontline combat experience (yes, he was in "the shit"), he sent tons of Polaroids to Maryellen Strampello, his sixteen-year-old girlfrien...
-4538

GET OFF THE STAGE

Friends Forever Are Playing in the Parking Lot

Sometimes the best thing about a show is hanging out in the parking lot, right? I mean, how many hardcore shows have I gone to where the only thing going on inside was a bunch of sweaty dudes from Long Island going through the moshpit motions? And how many "art punk" shows are loaded with fuckers wh...
-4537

TIDBITS

A monthly look at things we love - v10n2

1 NUT BUSH
Ever wonder why you cum more often when your boyfriend fucks you upside down? The reason is friction. His bag is banging against your clit so much it gives you what we call "nut bush," and that stimulation is what brings you to orgasm. If you don't believe me, then why is it a...
-4536

IT'S GOT A GOOD BEAT BUT YOU CAN'T DANCE TO IT

Institut Fuer Feinmotorik Drop the Record on the Needle

Techno has sucked for years now, but what's the best way to kill and reinvent the genre? Rip the records off the turntable and just play the fucking slipmats! The Institut Fuer Feinmotorik, a group of four German men, have been doing it for years, and it sounds fucking amazing. They improvise incred...
-4535

JUVENILE HELL

Queensbridge Rapper Littles Is the Original Baby Gangsta

Out here on the East Coast, all MCs want to do is get signed. It's like a race to see which sucker is going to be the next Fabolous. Our man Littles, however, would turn down just about any record deal. First he stole the show on the last two Mobb Deep projects, with a distinctive voice that sits so...
-4534

JUVENILE HELL

Feeling Bad About the Past? Invent a Little.

Next time one of your friends says to you, "Why do I keep dating assholes?" you can tell her, "Your dad was a huge asshole who was incapable of showing love. You keep dating these douche bags hoping that you can make them love you, thus repairing the lifelong wound your father inflicted upon you." T...
-4533

YOU CAN TAKE THE BOY OUT OF THE THEATER

But Can You Take the Man Out of the Boy?

Chicken Hawk: Men Who Love Boys is one of the sickest documentaries you'll probably never see. Made in 1994, it's a look inside the world of NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association, an organization that purportedly exists as a "political and educational organization" for guys who like th...
-4532

HOT, EURO & GAY

Toxic Girls Is This Period's Greatest Compilation

Hey, so you know Jessica? That hot Dutch dyke with the Nico voice who puts out Kutt Magazine? Yeah, her. She's so hot, every little hipster lezzie in New York is totally sweating her.

I think Kutt's a pretty good mag, except that it was supposed to be, like, cool lesbian porn but all the nu...
-4531

EXPLODING MILKSHAKES

The Acid's On Ceephax

Trends in electronic music come and go, but the mercurial bubble and squelch of good old acid has remained a permanent fixture since day one. Ceephax Acid Crew's self-titled debut album, out this month, is the finest straight-up acid record we've heard in years. In the right hands, the sounds genera...
-4530

GETTING THE FEAR

Kraut Miserabilists Make Everything Worse

Can you feel it reaching for your throat? That threat of imminent annihilation. Tensing your muscles as you walk the streets and through the underground, head down, shoulders hunched, waiting to be poisoned by terrorist gas or blown to bits by a dirty bomb. Odourless, colourless, formless it may be,...
-4529

KILL THE FOXES

Animal Rights Ain't Street Innit?

British animal rights groups and rich people are always in a tizzy about country foxes, but it's their tough urban cousins, the city foxes, that are actually causing all the fuss. Hardened by a life where food is found by going through supermarket rubbish bins and domestic waste units, the urban fox...
-4528

PEACE OF PISS

I Saw the Mayor of London Get Nasty on Jesse Jackson

Don't get me wrong, I know the war is bad, but the anti-war march in London last month stank of piss. Sure, there were a lot of well-meaning people there who had a real understanding of the issues at stake, but to me, most people were just there to have a day out that made them feel better about the...
-4527

RAVE ON STEROIDS

Hardcore Techno That Kills Your Bowels

When I was 14 the most fun I ever had was in a car park in Stoke. It was 1991 and hardcore rave fever gripped the nation. Whenever we could, my friends and I would travel to parties–indoors, outdoors; we didn't care–and proceed to get ripped on poppers and Ecstasy with hundreds of others while sound...










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