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iPHONE
These will only be available in the States. We can’t get them here. Iraqis do love their mobiles though. They spend crazy money on them and over here the prices aren’t subsidized. I have a Sony Ericsson phone. Reception is good but employees are often killed for no reason. People just shoot people here for no reason. There’s crazy security.
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BOOKS
We don’t have many bookstores, but there’s a book market. However, Western DVDs have been burnt at the DVD market for being indecent. (The market itself didn’t get destroyed and was back in business the next day.)
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PUPPIES
There aren’t pet stores but there’s a pet market. There’s a market for everything. Ninety-nine percent of the people that get dogs get them for protection and then treat them like shit. They’re not really pets. If you keep a dog in your house you’re nasty.
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SIX PACK OF BUD
Right after the invasion or the liberation or whatever (in Iraq we call those first days “the war”) there was beer available everywhere. Then the extremists started killing the vendors. Now you can only buy beer in one place, next to the green zone. |
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STILETTOS
In Baghdad, women have started wearing head scarves to cover their hair and as you go out into the countryside you even start seeing women wearing burkas. But the extremists don’t seem to care about shoes. All the girls at college wear high heels.
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ONE HIT
Before the war my brother and I would smoke weed at the public pool. We never got caught because the authorities had no idea what weed is. They don’t recognize the smell. You could hand it to them and they’d have no idea. You get the death penalty for doing drugs. This has always been the case.
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TOBY KEITH
“Justice will be served and the battle will rage/This old dog gets mad when you rattle his cage/You’ll be sorry that you messed with the US of A/We’ll put a boot in your ass it’s the American way.” We had nothing to do with 9/11 did we? This is a very narrow view of the world. Geez. However, there are people here that believe that they have to fight an occupation.
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TANNING CREAM
We have this but it’s the opposite. The TV will advertise whitening cream where, over the course of a week, an Arabic woman will get happier and more confident as she gets whiter.
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