AComme je ne sais plus trop quel poète l’a sûrement dit un jour ou l’autre: «La femme est un gros paquet de secrets ambulant.» Ou comme le nain de Twin Peaks l’explique à l’agent Dale Cooper à propos de Laura Palmer: «Elle est pleine de secrets.» Mais ce que recèle la maxime du lilliputien, c’est que TOUTES les femmes sont pleines de cachotteries. C’est trop vrai, penses-y.
On a demandé à un échantillon de jeunes filles, choisies au hasard, de nous confier leur secret le plus sombre, celui qui traîne depuis des années dans les tréfonds de leur conscience. Curieusement, elles ont toutes accepté de nous le dire. Regarde leur tête: saurais-tu retrouver qui a fait quoi? On aimerait bien t’aider, mais il se trouve qu’on sait garder un secret, nous.
COMMENTS
Subject: got a damn cold...... Date: Feb 16 2007 10:37:04 AM Author: nihilist
ok I'll guess too...
asian is the club hook up shit thing
short hair glasses has the prof with no boner
middle ran drugs
sweater vest killed the rabbit
black girl hangs out with ugly girls....
I fucked a couch once
Subject: ??? Date: Feb 15 2007 10:14:03 AM Author: 187
wat zijn nou de antwoorden....
Subject: Junior Date: Feb 05 2007 08:29:10 PM Author: Sanka
I know another gem of a secret - two of you lusty latinas went to the college I go to now, and I had a crush on both of yous (one espesh). Oh, and I molested my niece while playing Sardines (secret 2).
Subject: ah Date: Feb 05 2007 12:01:41 AM Author: Stephanie
The short haired one ran the drugs cause she's just quirky enough to be accessible to high school drug users aka scared noobs
The black one tried to fuck her professor. It's not that she's not pretty (why else would she try?) but that he just can't get it up.
Principal/Rabbit is Asian girl
Bathroom hook up is the sweater-vest
Prettier than is the middle
Subject: HAHAHA! Date: Feb 02 2007 12:17:54 PM Author: pm
scat friskers, you made my day. would you perchance be female? if so, i'll propse right now, even if you're chubby. if not, we'll just hang & be brosephs & some people might think we're gay because we're so tight but fuck them.
oh, & i like some of 'silent shout' so that one hit close to home but i've got about 7,000 other records so i'm sure we can find common ground.
Subject: ... Date: Feb 01 2007 09:57:48 AM Author: sqwha?
You're wrong, sigh, Jacoby says something to similar effect later on but "She's full of secrets" is spelled out below the Man from Another Place as he says it in the first fucking episode.
Subject: even the refrence was half-assed Date: Jan 31 2007 03:38:47 PM Author: sigh
Dr. Jacoby said laura was full of secrets, not the little man. i wouldn't have cared until i saw the lack of effort put in to the whole piece.
Subject: for shizzle Date: Jan 31 2007 01:53:42 PM Author: b pooper
That guy who pooped during the make out. I've pooped with him too.
Closet full o skeletons -
Subject: Secrets Date: Jan 30 2007 03:05:13 PM Author: Me
The kaffa did it them all....
As per usual.
Subject: gah Date: Jan 29 2007 09:42:15 PM Author: azn
god, the asian tried to have sex with her professor, duh! the everlasting quest for straight a's doesn't stop just at the desk...
oh, and no shit he couldn't get it up, look at her!
Subject: duh. Date: Jan 29 2007 10:15:16 AM Author: wes student
wesleyan wesleyan wesleyan!
Subject: the taiwanese Date: Jan 26 2007 11:18:20 PM Author: really?
doesn't have a sister...
Subject: time to warm up the ol' grammar ovens... Date: Jan 26 2007 02:14:36 PM Author: scat friskers
dc: well done, you've spotted an adverb. However, it's that last clause that's the money shot. You know, I'm still not 100% myself, but "I am prettier than" SEEMS to imply that the girl is prettier than her mallrat friends. And if she ONLY hangs out with these uglier friends...well, the pieces are really coming together, aren't they?
Now, if you're picking out the logical fallacy that "if A then B" doesn't prove "if not A, then not B," well kudos for the effort. But my guess is you're just sitting at your computer halfway through your second bag of TGIF Cheddar and Bacon Potato Skins and listening to Silent Shout for the eighth time because it's so "cutting edge", and having seen need of your superior sentence-diagramming skills, you brooked no hesitation in making yourself look like a complete ass.
Well done. I hope you choke on your pretentious bile.
Subject: "only," not "won't" Date: Jan 26 2007 01:07:29 PM Author: dc
There's nobody who said they wouldn't hang out with prettier people. That one said she ONLY hung out with prettier people. Is the entire message board illiterate?
Subject: Heh Date: Jan 25 2007 04:54:43 PM Author: ...
Love the 4th one.
Subject: They're in order you idiots!! Date: Jan 25 2007 01:08:47 PM Author: Blumpkin & Challah!
check out the secret code.
Subject: dudes Date: Jan 22 2007 08:50:48 PM Author: ponce
none of these girls are old enough to do this shit. they're all still in high school and got picked up at the mall.
the latina chick definitley ran the drugs, she is the only one bad ass enough to do that shit
Subject: think I got it Date: Jan 22 2007 06:03:41 PM Author: jes
the asian chick definitley won't hang out with someone prettier than her, because there are definitley better looking asian chicks out there.
the short hair chick tried to fuck her prof. but it didn't work
the weird sweater girl looks absolutely insane, she definitley killed the bunny
the black chick got nasty
Subject: fhm Date: Jan 22 2007 05:17:50 PM Author: johnny borrel
this is literally what they used to /still do (haven't read it in ages cos im not a fuckwit, er, anymore) in fhm yeah? just with a story about shit so everyone knows its vice
Subject: blumpkin city Date: Jan 22 2007 02:28:44 PM Author: pm
sing "Blumpkin City" to the tune of Steve Miller's "Macho City". great shit, right?
Subject: dr Date: Jan 22 2007 03:47:22 AM Author: paul
no it's shnora jones
Subject: they're all made up anyway Date: Jan 21 2007 05:44:56 PM Author: I got it
I'm going with the black chick getting it on in the stall (crazy shit happens in clubs, you know), cartigan cutie is with the uglies (she's in that middle range of cute where she needs the comparison with the ugs to get bumped from a 6/7 to a solid 8), the middle one ran the drugs (she's definitely latin), short hair fucked the prof (she looks like she really wanted the A), and the Asian chick spied and killed the rabbit (she looks bitchy enough to do it)
Subject: The one with the red top Date: Jan 21 2007 12:14:24 PM Author: Jay
is that nora jones ?
Subject: //// Date: Jan 21 2007 09:14:50 AM Author: ////
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz
Articles, vice. Articles??
Subject: Me-me-me-ism Date: Jan 20 2007 10:47:32 PM Author: Meno
Utter vomit
Subject: WHY? Date: Jan 20 2007 09:16:13 PM Author: Notimportant
Also ob ihr alle kein Deutsch könntet...
Subject: here we go Date: Jan 20 2007 02:41:01 PM Author: again
the real secret is that they all have a chink fetish.
Subject: Uppp Date: Jan 20 2007 01:37:32 AM Author: Natosha
Nice effort. Or lack thereof.
Subject: my bets Date: Jan 19 2007 11:54:05 PM Author: i wish i was getting laid
nobody wants a black person running drugs for them, especially cross country, cuz they get pulled over, DUH. She's also super trendy so I bet she's the one who only hangs out with uglies.
The asian one tried to fuck her prof
yellow glasses ran drugs
Red shirt hooked up with the shitter
cardigan killed the bunny
Subject: proffesor Date: Jan 19 2007 07:41:59 PM Author: all wrong
You're all wrong, if the one in the middle was the one who tried to fuck the prof, the problem wouldn't have been getting it up
Subject: i know it Date: Jan 19 2007 05:35:22 PM Author: marcy
1) the girl with glass/short (top left middlish) hair tried to hook up while someone took a shit
2) weirdo sweater vest (down middle right) = rabbit killer/nany drew
3) clubbing black girl (far right) is be self depricating and superficial all at once, calling her friends prettier than her
4) middle girl (red shirt/middle) tried to get the a with impotent professor
5) asian drug runner (far left)
Subject: Tinker Tinker Tinker Date: Jan 19 2007 05:19:14 PM Author: Limbic System
I hope there are a lot of boobs in this here issue of Vice Magazine. Also I hope they are held up by "non-cools" or "formerly nerdy but currentlly hanging with people that she considers to be cool" bodies.
Subject: Date: Jan 19 2007 04:44:29 PM Author:
left to right: professor fucker, rabbit killer, drug runner, blumpkin giver, pretty girl.
and ditto on the mom jeans.
Subject: my picks Date: Jan 19 2007 04:34:38 PM Author: dc loocha
I think it’s (left to right): Prettiest Girl Hang Out, Shitty Hook up, Alcoholic Principal, Impotent Professor, Drug Runner.
Subject: trumped you fuckers Date: Jan 19 2007 04:29:22 PM Author: dirtiest of all
I tried to fuck an ugly impotent rabbit for some crack while he took a shit in a bathroom stall
Subject: fuck Date: Jan 19 2007 04:13:42 PM Author: god
i know the vice guys/girls are lazy as shit, and i know you were probably out all night coked out singing shitty karokee, but to take some picture of 5 girls and write a bunch of fake secrets, what did that take you, like 2 1/2 minutes? you guys deserve all the cancerous lesions growing on your collective balls for this bullshit. at least the magazine is free, or this would be a fucking travesty.
Subject: the one in the middle Date: Jan 19 2007 03:49:59 PM Author: mustache
Subject: Guess Date: Jan 19 2007 02:37:03 PM Author: manchi
-The sneering Asian only hangs out with ugliers.
-The creepy cute one with short hair spied and killed a rabbit.
-Middle was in a shit/fuck.
-Sweatervest couldn't chub up her profesor.
-The black one ran drugs. duh.
How'd I do!?!
Subject: boring Date: Jan 19 2007 02:33:12 PM Author: whocares
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Subject: only one did it? Date: Jan 19 2007 02:12:02 PM Author: ian dury
i like imagining all of them doling out a good three way blumpkin in the dive bar shit stall.
Subject: Guess Date: Jan 19 2007 02:07:42 PM Author: Mike
I guess the one in the middle tried to fuck her prof.
Even if I was the gayest gay on earth I wouldn’t love cocks this much. Do you see straight guys with enormous pussies on their backs dripping with juice, on fire, with birds on them, and a hot chick fingering herself in the middle of it all? Not really.
Crazy-eyed bitch leaving you the 33rd voice mail of the night about to heave a brick through your window for never calling her back is a surprisingly good look. Comments/Enlarge See all
